Candle in the whirlwind

Atchoo!

I sit tapping this in a lull between replying to a wrong number texter, blowing my nose and rearranging my diary due to illness.

I have been burning the candle at both ends and that proverbial candle is possibly me. I am totally frazzled.

It was inevitable a nasty cold would get me after 8 consecutive nights going to bed between 1.30-4 am. I successfully delayed it when it made its first attempt on 28^th November.

I have successfully moved everything around and saved money and internal organs by being housebound.

My only complaint is that I missed Under 1 Roof charity night on Saturday which involved Chris Martin duetting with Alan Partridge. Yes it really happened, this is not a delirious dream I had.

It's been a long time since I wrote.  That means I'm going to do that very lazy thing of listing what I've been up to.

In no particular order.

Went to Q&A with Will Ferrell (I didn't got with him you understand) followed by a screening of Everything Must Go.

Had 2 facials and a massage (not on the same day).

Had my karaoke birthday party.

Saw Voldemort & Rodney Trotter in The Tempest. Ok, in layman's terms I saw Ralph Fiennes & Nicholas Lyndhurst but it does sound as surreal as the aforementioned duet (Chris & Alan, not me & Charlie in photo).

I was treated for my birthday to dinner at The Ivy by Tracy (thank you Snoops!) Saw Michael Stipe & Thom Yorke amongst others but they were my favourite diners.

Went to see Ghost the musical with my sis-in law and didn't cry.

Started regular quizzing – I love a quiz! Won some money for not winning - or losing. Win, win. Or is that not win, win?

Saw Feist at the Palladium.

Met up with two friends I haven't seen for ten years. One was an ex. I talked way too much. What me, nervous? I deny it!

Went to the Museum of Everything.

Finally saw the truly incredible Mark Rylance in (the truly incredible) Jerusalem. A few weeks later booked a ticket to watch a Q&A with him. I wish you could buy plays on DVD...

I was lucky enough to have a day trip to Madrid to see Coldplay. Mylo Xyloto was released and we hopped on a plane for a press conference & launch gig in the Plaza de toros Las Ventas.

It was directed by Anton Corbijn. We flew straight back to do Radio 1's Live Lounge followed by a gig in the UEA, Norwich – a very strange juxtaposition to the previous show.  

Coldplay are actually on tour at the moment so in the past week I went to the Manchester's MEN Arena, Camden's Dingwalls (487 capacity) and London's O2 Arena.

I did some more recording for my voice showreel and was pretty happy with the results though my Mum couldn't tell it was me! (That's a good thing in my opinion).

Saw Driving Miss Daisy starring Vanessa Redgrave – I have never seen the film, but I enjoyed it.

Visited family. 3 separate visits actually. Of course that included my gorgeous great niece who insisted while I was reading her a bespoke personalised Disney Princess book I got her to "read it properly" – such was her disbelief at her actually being in it!

Watched the amazing Rae Morris, this time at KOKO.

Put up 2 Christmas trees - one real, one fake.

Joined a gym. It has a pool.

Had dinner(s) with charity winning bidder(s).

In fact, had a lot of lunches and dinners with some of my favourite people. I've managed to see many people who don't live near me too which has been wonderful.

Watched a few films. Twice to the cinema - if there's an Oscar ™ for hair(dresser), it should go to My Week With Marilyn - a couple of DVDs and sofa bound TV movies.

So that was the nutshell, here comes the stuff that I've found shocking, funny, interesting and thought provoking.

I loved the Hallowe'en rules that were put up where I live. It's a gated community and to keep everyone happy, there were guidelines to adhere to:

I did see a Justin Bieber cartoon (excuse the blurry pic) that made me laugh – yes that was tempting to cut the middle man and just call him the joke:

The Poppy Appeal campaign was rather inappropriate this year I thought. I'm sure the various celebs gave their time for free to endorse the slogan "standing shoulder to shoulder with all who serve" that had me puzzled. Er, no, I think you'll find we're not shoulder to shoulder, we're sat at home all safe and sound. Weird. 

Ad watch:

There have been too many adverts attracting my attention for whatever reason.

The Oops ad where that woman who clearly doesn't have any weak bladder mishaps gets her skirt stuck in the lift? Well... I have the exact same underwear as her (not wee stained either I may add) – I've never had that problem but that's not the only co-incidence. I asked the guy from the ad out last year. He said yes but it never happened. Imagine if he'd seen my underwear?

The Very advert is so very annoying with Diana Vickers telling us that her 70s jumpsuit can "make you look taller & slimmer" rather than her size 8 frame and 8 inch heels. Don't get me started on the leather jacket that makes her feel "good to be bad".

The Uniform Dating advert is perhaps the most stupid of all. It starts with a fireman rescuing a woman from a burning building then a nurse appears by a man's bedside - both hit by instantly fancying the uniform. I can't believe there is a dating site to fix you up with someone who wears one! That fire won't put itself out mister so get your hose out. No, not that one!

I am not wasting breath on either the John Lewis or the M&S ads although the latter does lead me finally to the X Factor final.

To me, the X Factor is an entertainment show, a TV show no less and it just so happens that people sing on it and there are musical guests. I tend to skip the Sunday results show as it's usually reserved for manufactured boy/girl groups, previous winners of such talent shows or mega U.S stars with a product to pedal. I can't abide seeing the judges give standing ovations to mediocrity either but the final week, it was deserved - and I obviously do not mean Westlife. 

I have never considered it a very cool thing to appear on X Factor but I will assume that's because of my chosen profession. I have found fun in ranting week in, week out but didn't actually care who won. Then the unthinkable happened. My boys agreed to perform on the final show. I was torn. Surely this was not a credible decision? I have to say I will always defend and support the band to the death (dramatic eh?) but what I witnessed on Sunday made me realise, it doesn't matter what I, you, he, she think... it was for those few minutes finally just about the music. It was an incredible performance and I was actually proud they decided to do what they wanted rather than what they knew other people wanted or expected. To be honest, I can't put it better than the band's Roadie #42 did.

So as I sit here wheezing and sneezing watch this clip and see the shock in the eyes. I leave you with this.

Another One Bites the Dust

Ah August you lovely little month you. How I miss ye. September... would you mind leaving please? Or at least starting again. Or how about we just forget the first couple of weeks and make it all about 13th- 30th?

Back to the seductive charms of August. A gentle start with Pilates classes, an acoustic Rae Morris gig, a model scouting job and a couple of gym sessions all in the first week set the month up nicely.

Caroline & I took a train to see our chum Emma in Canterbury. We had a short & sweet stint shopping, lunching, drinking and chatting. It was lovely and long overdue.

That evening, London suffered the first night of its riots that quite frankly I won't waste breath on.

Sunday's weather may have been dark and damp but sat undercover watching As You Like It was a delight. I am so lucky to be included in on so many of Tracy's 40 for 40 fun plans and this was another. I have always wanted to see Shakespeare at the Globe so I am ticking off my own list simultaneously!

I had evening plans but we decided to have a drink. One drink turned into two as we decided to pass time until my Trekstock charity auction ended. I didn't want to be sat on a tube when the bidding ended. We made our way across Millennium Bridge and counted down from ten. An incredible £780 was bid!

The following day my best friend from primary school who is also like a sister to me arrived to stay. We went out and she met my other separated at birth friend and it was great to have them both meet and get on like I knew they would. The riots did their best to spoil the week but we tried to work around them. We had to cancel stuff but it didn't matter. I wish she lived nearer as I always feel sad when we part.

After a trek Q&A evening, Kerry & I went off to Dorset for some hardcore training. It was much needed and we really put the hours in. The first walk was tough and I was worried about how unfit I felt. The second walk felt much easier. It made me cross I hadn't trained harder and for longer over the past months. Sadly I am sat here now with a week to go and feel exactly the same! Eek, how did it get here so fast?

The winner of the auction lives in Istanbul and so we're meeting later in the year which left me with a voucher to redeem. I took Neva as it was her birthday and the restaurant didn't seem too interested in my companion so I didn't mention the change in plan. It wasn't like the press were there or anything!

My dear friend Bebs came to stay and that pretty much always goes the same way. Non-stop talking and a few drinks whilst putting the world to rights and not a single taboo subject left uncovered.

Poor Bebs though, we arrived at Euston and the entire departure board read CANCELLED. She had to go home from St. Pancras via Leeds but as I had a pressing engagement, I left her.

I made my way back to Highgate to meet 2 members of The Slow Readers Club who it turns out had been bidding for dinner with me all week and had been pipped to the post at the last minute. They offered a whopping £500 to meet with me. I know this all sounds a bit weird and I wouldn't want anyone to think I've been pimping myself out but... they wanted me to listen to their new self-financed album and offer advice. We spent 5 hours in the pub so it worked out at £100 per hour. They got a good deal I think. Ha, ha! The fact they donated so generously and even gave me a lift home before making the long journey back up the M1 to Manchester didn't have any bearing on my view. They're a great band. Phew. How bad would that have been if I'd have hated their music and felt compelled to slag it off?

Mondays I try to stay in and this week it was much needed with another busy week planned.

A lovely soiree to celebrate a good friend's birthday on Tuesday. First to arrive last to leave. Oops.

A BAFTA preview screening of An Idiot Abroad followed by a Q&A with Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant  & Karl Pilkington.

At the middle of the week my liver started to scream at me. On my drunken way home after BAFTA and booze, proclaiming to the social networks that my life was great and I was so lucky, so happy etc. etc. I dropped my iPhone and the screen shattered. The August tide turned.

I awoke feeling rough and the torrential rain did little to lift my mood. I made my way to meet a friend but for one reason or another arrived late. I hate tardiness.

After a healthy lunch to help my battered body recover, I headed to a meeting. I waited around for an hour for the woman to arrive and wasn't best pleased when she didn't. I complained quietly until I realized I was a spectacular 24 hours late. I really hate tardiness.

Caught up with Jane on her visit down and once again the stupid unpredictable weather interfered somewhat. I got to take this photo though so it was worth it.

Bank Holiday Monday the funk kicked in. I have no idea why or where it came from but it took a hold of me and refused to budge.

Another busy week was filled with great stuff but all of it tinged with doom and hinged on gloom. 

I walked to Vicki's before a dinner with my adopted nephews. It took me an hour fast pace walking to get there but an incredulous two to get the bus home. "The bus" was actually 2 but it's a long story but not one for a blog. I got in at 1 a.m in the foulest mood due to bus drivers from hell.

Still with a cloud hanging over me, September arrived. It followed me despite the pleasure of seeing Lucy for the first time in 14 months, meeting Patti Rose - the new addition to the Hamer-Stubbs family (and borrowed kit from Rich - star), dinner with my publisher (*meeting went well but an important part of my writing was met with negative comments which threw my mood a shade darker) and adding (or rather, subtracting from) to my ever decreasing fund pot by buying stuff of the trek kit list.

I spent the weekend in a drunken stupor - I might be the reason that word sounds similar to stupid - and hazily made my way through Mark's 30th (fun) and Inbetweeners movie (funny). After two sober sobering days I went spectacularly up and down like a rollercoaster. I shall refer to the incident only as McGate as I wouldn't want to ruin the memory of John Grant - possibly the greatest gig of all time.

My cultural experiences last weekend were intrinsically linked without me realizing - until now in fact. Once more Tracy's list offered me a new experience. We went to Burlesque at Proud Cabaret that was more strip than tease.

The following day I made good use of my National Arts Pass to gain free entry to the Courtauld Gallery to see Toulouse-Lautrec & Jane Avril Beyond the Moulin Rouge exhibition. Saucy lady. 

What a treat to find other permanent collections there by Gauguin, Picasso, Manet, Degas and countless other greats...

On Friday I am going to France to see my lovely Michael & Amy get married (well, technically they wed last Friday). The weather is currently 31 degrees so hopefully it will be a lovely sunny trip. I get back Monday evening and then (drum roll) Tuesday leave for Kenya.

I packed my bag on Saturday to weigh it and make sure everything fits. It was very underweight and does indeed fit. It's all very real now. As David Walliams completed his Thames swim tonight I couldn't help feel an extra surge of motivation. I'm as ready as I'll ever be (not enough) and raring to go. 

I upped the target a few weeks ago and the total now raised is an amazing £10,131! I am proud to say that my sponsors' donations total £8,969 and for that all I can say is a HUGE thank you to all those amazing people who gave to this great cause. I will think of you all at any point I feel like giving up.

I can tell you now I will cry, I will struggle but I will endeavour to have the most amazing experience to share on my next blog. See you on the other side.

All that remains is ad watch but first, my boys released Paradise today. I loves it I do. Check it out.

I only want to mention one advert with one word: catonkey!

Now, the problem I have with a particular Guzzle Puzzle advert is one of the essentially rude looking sweets has non-consensual sex with another. That said, we're supposed to take sweets up the mountain for little bursts of energy. Judging by the way it leaps into the other, maybe they're the perfect fix for me. Yum! Let's face it, it's going to be the only action at 17,000 feet!