Year in year out..

I have moved...

2011-12-18T12:07:00.001-08:00

I have moved my blog from here to : lifeintheyear

Candle in the whirlwind

2011-12-13T10:21:00.000-08:00

Atchoo!

Isit tapping this in a lull between replying to a wrong number texter, blowing my nose and rearranging my diary due to illness. 

Ihave been burning the candle at both ends and that proverbial candle is possibly me. I am totally frazzled.

Itwas inevitable a nasty cold would get me after 8 consecutive nights going to bedbetween 1.30-4 am. I successfully delayed it when it made its first attempt on28th November.

I have successfully moved everything around and saved money and internal organs by being housebound.

Myonly complaint is that I missed Under 1 Roof charity night on Saturday whichinvolved Chris Martin duetting with Alan Partridge. Yes it really happened, this is not adelirious dream I had. 

It'sbeen a long time since I wrote. That means I'm going to do that very lazy thing of listing what I'vebeen up to.

In no particular order.

Wentto Q&A with Will Ferrell (I didn't got with him you understand)followed by a screening of Everything Must Go.

Had2 facials and a massage (not on the same day).

Hadmy karaoke birthday party.

SawVoldemort & Rodney Trotter in The Tempest. Ok, in layman's terms Isaw Ralph Fiennes & Nicholas Lyndhurst but it does sound as surreal as the aforementioned duet (Chris & Alan, not me & Charlie in photo). 

Iwas treated for my birthday to dinner at The Ivy by Tracy (thank you Snoops!) Saw Michael Stipe & Thom Yorkeamongst others but they were my favourite diners.

Wentto see Ghost the musical with my sis-in law and didn't cry.

Startedregular quizzing – I love a quiz! Won some money for not winning - or losing. Win, win. Or is that not win, win?

SawFeist at the Palladium.

Met up withtwo friends I haven't seen for ten years. One was an ex. I talked way too much. What me, nervous? I deny it! 

Wentto the Museum of Everything.

Finallysaw the truly incredible Mark Rylance in (the truly incredible) Jerusalem. A few weeks later bookeda ticket to watch a Q&A with him. I wish you could buy plays on DVD...

Iwas lucky enough to have a day trip to Madrid to see Coldplay. Mylo Xyloto wasreleased and we hopped on a plane for a press conference & launch gig inthe Plaza de toros Las Ventas.

 It was directed by Anton Corbijn.We flew straight back to do Radio 1's Live Lounge followed by a gig in the UEA,Norwich – a very strange juxtaposition to the previous show.  

Coldplayare actually on tour at the moment so in the past week I went to the Manchester's MEN Arena, Camden's Dingwalls (487 capacity) and London's O2 Arena.

Idid some more recording for my voice showreel and was pretty happy with theresults though my Mum couldn't tell it was me! (That's a good thing in my opinion).

SawDriving Miss Daisy starring Vanessa Redgrave – I have never seen the film, butI enjoyed it.

Visitedfamily. 3 separate visits actually. Of course that included my gorgeousgreat niece who insisted while I was reading her a bespoke personalised DisneyPrincess book I got her to "read it properly" – such was her disbelief at heractually being in it!

Watchedthe amazing Rae Morris, this time at KOKO.

Put up 2 Christmas trees - one real, one fake.

Joineda gym. It has a pool.

Haddinner(s) with charity winning bidder(s).

Infact, had a lot of lunches and dinners with some of my favourite people. I'vemanaged to see many people who don't live near me too which has been wonderful. 

Watched a few films. Twiceto the cinema - if there's an Oscar ™ for hair(dresser), itshould go to My Week With Marilyn - a couple of DVDs and sofa bound TV movies.

Sothat was the nutshell, here comes the stuff that I've found shocking, funny,interesting and thought provoking.

Iloved the Hallowe'en rules that were put up where I live. It's a gatedcommunity and to keep everyone happy, there were guidelines to adhere to:

I did see a Justin Bieber cartoon (excuse the blurry pic) that made me laugh –yes that was tempting to cut the middle man and just call him the joke:

ThePoppy Appeal campaign was rather inappropriate this year I thought. I'm surethe various celebs gave their time for free to endorse the slogan "standing shoulder to shoulder with all who serve" that had mepuzzled. Er,no, I think you'll find we're not shoulder to shoulder, we're sat at home allsafe and sound. Weird.  

Ad watch: 

There have been too many adverts attracting my attention for whatever reason.

The Oops ad where that woman who clearly doesn't haveany weak bladder mishaps gets her skirt stuck in the lift? Well... I have theexact same underwear as her (not wee stained either I may add) – I've never had that problem but that's not the only co-incidence. I asked the guy from the ad outlast year. He said yes but it never happened. Imagine if he'd seen myunderwear?

The Very advert is so very annoying with Diana Vickers telling us that her 70s jumpsuit can "make you look taller & slimmer" rather than her size 8 frame and 8 inch heels. Don't get me started on theleather jacket that makes her feel "good to be bad".

The Uniform Dating advert is perhaps the most stupid ofall. It starts with a fireman rescuing a woman from a burning building then a nurse appears by a man's bedside - both hit by instantly fancying the uniform. I can't believe there is a dating site to fix you up with someone who wears one! That fire won't put itself out mister so get your hose out. No, not that one!

I am not wasting breath on either the John Lewis or the M&S ads although the latter does lead me finally to the X Factor final.

To me, the X Factor is an entertainment show, a TV show no less and it just so happens that people sing on it and there are musical guests. I tend to skip the Sunday results show as it's usually reserved for manufactured boy/girl groups, previous winners of such talent shows or mega U.S stars with a product to pedal. I can't abide seeing the judges give standing ovations to mediocrity either but the final week, it was deserved - and I obviously do not mean Westlife. 

I have never considered it a very cool thing to appear on X Factor but I will assume that's because of my chosen profession. I have found fun in ranting week in, week out but didn't actually care who won. Then the unthinkable happened. My boys agreed to perform on the final show. I was torn. Surely this was not a credible decision? I have to say I will always defend and support the band to the death (dramatic eh?) but what I witnessed on Sunday made me realise, it doesn't matter what I, you, he, she think... it was for those few minutes finally just about the music. It was an incredible performance and I was actually proud they decided to do what they wanted rather than what they knew other people wanted or expected. To be honest, I can't put it better than the band's Roadie #42 did.

So as I sit here wheezing and sneezing watch this clip and see the shock in the eyes. I leave you with this.

Au revoir France, Jambo Kenya

2011-10-03T15:42:00.000-07:00

I'm sat in my warm cosy flat feeling absolutely wiped out. As is always the way when you return home, the previous trip always seems so distant. Time flies when you're home but sometimes not so when you're away and want it to!

Let's start with the nearest to a holiday I've had in 15 months. A 3 day trip to France. Big Kudos to Darren for cajoling me back in June into attending Michael & Amy's wedding. I thought it would be mental to go with the arrival back in the UK a mere 24 hours before leaving for the Mount Kenya climb. As it goes, it was the best decision for so many reasons.

It took 10 hours to get to the gite in Provence which was a mere hop and a skip away from the impressive fairytale setting of the Chateau de Robernier. It's a long story why we didn't have a key upon arrival so Rhian & I sat with our supermarche supplies making impromptu sandwiches by tearing bits of baguette and stuffing them with sliced cheese and ham. We had chosen the one bottle of wine with a cork so could only covet the rose until we had access to a corkscrew. As it goes, I had chosen unwisely anyway.
When everyone else arrived we got started the only we knew how. Pain, vin, du boursin (well, fromage of every other kind).

I was sharing a room with Darren, Helen & Mark. Darren & I took the bunks and we had a curtain separating the other sleeping quarters. Thanks heavens for ear plugs and eye masks to block out the snoring, coughing, swearing and light.

The wine was going down far too easily so after copious amounts I went to bed early as I was up to train. I heard the hardcore drinkers go to bed at 5 so knew that I could be out and back before Dan rose for his birthday breakfast.

The weather was beautiful as I set off walking through the vineyards. I picked up pace in the heat and disappeared beyond the chateau deep into the heart of the landscape. It was beautiful but strangely eerie with my iPod blasting out the surrounding sounds of France. I took photographs with my mind to keep and made my way back an hour later patting myself on the back.
Dan still wasn't up so I hadn't missed anything. After a shower and a quick breakfast we wished the birthday boy well before we went back to the supermarche for more of everything.

We didn't need to get ready until 4pm which meant extra caution on not getting too drunk. We lined our tums and proceeded to scrub up. Pretty well by all accounts, everyone looked so lovely. We made our way to the chateau to be greeted with the first of many champagnes. Lots of familiar faces all dressed up and wearing shades as the weather continued to be kind. The groom was relaxed moments before showtime.

As we took our places with cones of petals in one hand (hand-picked from Amy's Mum's garden) and bubbles in the other, we all faced forward with the most incredible view. The strains of Feeling Good
began and the door behind us opened to reveal another; the future Mrs. Morris.

We did a sterling job of singing God Only Knows (lyrics cunningly concealed under our seats) before the canapes began. A brilliant - if a little hazy - night ensued. The only grumble was being sat on the Cheese table rather than the Family Guy one. Ah no, there was another. I was dancing to Crazy in Love when a female leg adorned with a metal spiked Christian Louboutin wrapped itself around me digging into my leg. Ouch!

Very late to bed and a slight hangover for Pool Party day. The sun had been replaced with heavy cloud and my tropical look lasted all of 20 minutes before returning to the gite to ditch the swimsuit for full wool dress, tights and cardigan.
Other than accidentally locking myself in the bathroom for half an hour it was a great day. Rhian, Nick and I made our way back at a reasonable hour admiring the stars that appeared. Kenya was looming and I needed a good night's sleep.

Monday was an early start with cleaning and packing to be done before the hour or so drive to the airport.
I was being collected by Anthony at 10.15 in his flash BMW hire car. As he checked a text from me en route, he hit a ditch and got a flat. No spare. No repair kit. No time to wait for roadside assistance.
I felt sick. Anthony was flying to Japan the next day and I was of course off to Africa. We needed this like a hole in the head. We had to ditch the car (no pun intended) and get a 150 Euro cab to the airport. Thankfully Avis reimbursed that cost. Turns out Avis' policy is not to provide drivers with any of the aforementioned emergency kit as they tended to get stolen. It was a scary end to an idyllic trip but a possible prelude of things to come. Perhaps someone was trying to prevent me from going to Kenya after all...

Tuesday was a day of repacking, collecting currency, a final walk and ticking off the kit list. The rush hour cab arrived and we hit inevitable traffic and a mammoth tail back. Luckily we had a driver who lived near Heathrow and he proceeded to take every back route and break every road offence to get us there in record time.

It'd be pretty pointless to go through every single mundane clue to impending doom but trust me, there were hints everywhere alluding to my demise.
The flight wasn't so bad and I was pretty excited about the night having finally arrived. I managed a sporadic snooze, little did I know it was to be the longest sleep for the next 10 nights.

We had a lovely lunch at the foot of the National Park after a long bus ride from the airport. The peak of the mountain was concealed by cloud so we still didn't quite know what was awaiting. The first night was supposed to be a camp night but for one reason or another (lions or weather?) we spent it in a resort. It was basic but great food and meant a proper bed and unexpected shower before we started the real journey.

Our first wake up call was 6 a.m (as was every single morning bar summit day) and after a hearty breakfast we separated our kit into 3 piles. Daypack, bag for mountain, bag to stay down mountain for the last night and journey home. We split into small Rascal type vehicles to be transported about an hour to our first starting point at Sirimon Gate (2,800m). We see our first glimpse of the mountain. It's quite daunting yet seems so far away.

It was a warm morning and I knew I would struggle as I always do on Day 1 of any walk. My body needs to get into its rhythm and used to the inclines. Sadly as it was day 1 I was eager to chat and get to know people and that cost me dearly. I was walking faster than my comfortable walking pace. I commented to Tim "Gosh it's hot isn't it?" He replied that no, he was fine and that's when I noticed my heart rate had gone sky high and my shallow breathing was fast running out. I slowed down until I was at the very back with everyone disappearing over the horizon. I don't like (can't) a walk uphill and my body hates it even more but it was nothing I wasn't used to. Slow & steady was my way forward now. It's no fun walking alone and at the back but I'd always known that would be the case so I just took in the scenery (missed a monkey) as best I could whilst concentrating on my breathing. A couple of hours later I felt a familiar - albeit from 7 years ago - pain in my left hip. Uh oh. I tried to ignore it and other than massaging it with Tiger Balm I didn't really attend to it all week. Mistake in the making.

We made it to our first camp (3,330m), watched our first sunset played our first of many "I'm in Business" games and even had a cheeky beer gazing at a beautiful starry sky.

Things learned on first day/night: I will be last to the summit. There are lots of big personalities - mine will have to hang back. My sleeping bag is shit.

6 a.m start and a great walk up. Again, it was no surprise as I know that day 2 usually goes with me feeling on top form and getting into my stride. It's not feeling like Africa if I'm honest but it's stunning. It was a lovely camp (3,700m) but such a very cold night with rain.

The next day was very split for me, the first half was sunny and a great ascent, I loved it. The moment we got to the top to descend into a valley, the mist came in and brought rain. I felt my knee ping on the way down and needed medical attention. The rest of the walk was wet. Cold & wet. Marsh, bog, sleet, hail, rain, snow... I hated it. A turn occurred. I don't just mean the weather.

It became usual for me to listen to the people in front or behind and I learned a lot about folk this way but couldn't really join in as I was struggling. I think people would be surprised how much I know about them.
It was a brutal day but weirdly after an hour or so at camp (4,200m), the sun came out. It wasn't quite enough to dry everything out but was welcome nonetheless.

Our camp was pitched on very wet land so it was quite uncomfortable. We were going to be here for 2 days to acclimatise. I wanted to get up the mountain as soon as possible, get down as soon as possible and get on the first available flight home. Palpitations, headaches, dizziness and irregular heartbeat had materialised as high altitude side effects. I hit my wall when I awoke shivering with numbness in my left foot and a few fingers (I was wearing several layers including socks, hat and gloves) needing the loo. I waged that if it was around the 4 a.m mark I'd ride the pain. As it goes it was 23.45 and that created a panic. I struggled to manoeuvre in my sleeping bag and as I tried to get out, another panic. The zip on the tent was frozen. I couldn't get out. I panicked - again. I tried to regulate my breathing and began a mantra that everything was ok. It seemed to work and after a loo stop, I felt better if not frozen.
The next day I was so emotional. I fought back tears but couldn't. I missed everything and everyone. I wasn't scared of the mountain but I didn't like the unknown. It loomed over us for its second day and beckoned us with menace. I spoke to it a lot over those hours. I told it in no uncertain terms that I was coming for it. It wouldn't beat me though it may try to kill me.
Kerry & I decided perhaps unwisely that the song to lift us out of the slump (that seemed to have taken hold of a few campers) was Fix You. It brought tears but somehow the lyrics resonated with us.

Under orders from Raj - our resident chief - I remained at camp rather than take a walk around the surrounding area. A few others stayed behind too. We sat in the early morning sun and played games with John. It was distracting and for those moments I was having fun.

The 12 o clock news was coming though (the rain that made its way in around midday). This gave time to have some me time playing scrabble on my Nintendo and snoozing for an hour in the tent. Anxiety was building but at a very manageable pace. In fact, I was more than happy at the prospect to be getting up at 1.30 a.m as it would mean less time in the sleeping bag and less time to not need a wee.
I went to bed at 10 with 7 layers on and was more than ready for the challenge when we got our wake up call.
It was -6 degrees and dark when we tackled breakfast. We stood in single file at 3 a.m and began to walk with our headlamps. I had a delightful natter with Freddie for the first part though the air was thin so it was difficult to sustain.

A lot of that walk was on auto-pilot. I remember all of it but it didn't seem quite as long as it was. Watching the moon rise quickly followed by the sun was an astounding sight.

By this point there were 3 of us at the very back. Brigitte, Rox and myself accompanied by Rolfe were taking our time and really not concerned at all with deadlines or time restraints. We helped each other and still found time to take photos and sing appropriate songs pertaining to walking, mountains, sunshine... you name it, we probably sang it!

We reached the actual Lenana summit (4,895m) at 8 a.m. I was proud & tired as I drank in the view but I was surprised at my lack of emotion. It was incredible to see where we had worked our way from and to see where we were about to head for.

We ran down some of the mountain (like running on chocolate brownie mix I imagine) and headed for our next camp via a last minute short cut. It was beautiful but exhausting and hard on so little fuel. Bad news had reached us as we headed along teetering ravines above steep falls; the porters hadn't reached camp (4,270m) and were still behind us which meant no tents or food awaited us.

We ate "lunch" at around 6 which was a staggering 16 hours between meals. My snacks didn't really suffice. Maybe it's my age but running on empty for so many hours was messing with my body & mind.

I would never have predicted that the next day was the worst. We again rose at 6. I had breakfast at 7.15. The plan was to have a show (Great Gig in the Sky) at 8 and be on our way by 9. It was such a great setting with amazing performances and really good fun.

Me and my precision timing started to twitch when we left at 11 and my snack supply was already being tucked into. Another warm day was quickly on the turn by this point and the first hour was up, up and more up. Something seemed to happen at this point. My legs gave up. I was dragging myself along on my poles. Kerry got sick. We were a slow group. Every estimated time of arrival seemed to grow further away. My snacks ran out. My willpower ran out. Oh to see an animal of note. I felt sure that would lift my spirits. I needed a lift. I needed a helicopter.
Just when I though the end was in reach I slipped on the red mud along a ditch and landed hard on my trekking poles. I couldn't get back up and I burst into tears. I needed Raj to head back to get me up. I threw my poles and had a huge diva strop. The dodgy hip had been menacing all day not to mention both knee joints causing me pain. My legs were shaking and I had no energy. It had now been 9 hours without a meal. I didn't think I had anything left to give. I could feel the lump under my trousers and knowing my bruise history, already hated the huge ugly thing that was forming on my skin.
Having Seraphin hold my hand after my fall attempting to hold me up was actually comedic. If he went, I went and vice-versa. I tried not to let go as he slipped more times than I did!

Although I'd had a dream the previous night that we spent our final night in a wooden hut, I couldn't help feel there was truth in it. One member of the group made a point of checking if there was. I was left guilty for suggesting such a rumour. I was more than happy to be proved right by whatever shamen means when we turned up at Bandas (2,950m) to find little huts with beds for the night. We had our "lunch" - it must have been 7 o clock - followed by chicken & chips for dinner a few hours later. An end of tour quiz rounded off the evening and given our team of 3 didn't come last to other groups of 6, we didn't do too badly. I am cross I took my eye off trusted John as he wrote "Baby, baby" rather than "Hit me baby one more time". Maybe it was cool to get that wrong though and did me good.

Our last morning was another 6 a.m start. Looking back across at the other side of the mountain in the morning sun seemed strange. Had we really climbed that?

There was an emotional ceremony of thanks, tip giving and goodbyes. We'd had an amazing crew of some amazing guys.
All that remained was a 2+ hour landrover ride that apparently would be bumpy.

It was white knuckle for the most part and not without its drama. I secretly enjoyed it.

We arrived to the meeting point where we were to all get on one bus to our hotel for the final night. I called my Mum and tried not to cry. The bus journey was long, hot, frayed and quite frankly petrifying. I did not raise £9,259 and go all that way to conquer a mountain only to die at the hands of a driver falling asleep whilst overtaking on blind spots. I realise that's how they drive there but I did not welcome the custom with open arms or closed eyes.

By the time we reached our plush hotel we didn't have time to swim in the pool given a drink at the bar was certainly the priority. I opted for a Kir Royale by way of celebration. Sadly not of the feat achieved but of the impending departure that could not come soon enough for me.

A quick shower and spruce and we made our way out once again.

Carnivores was much the same as any churrascaria with the addition of a few curious meats - testicles and croc for example that I skipped. No jokes about me turning down balls eh?

Meat, booze, dancing, shots, more booze and bed at 3.30. I had no idea what time the wake up call or etd was until the telephone crudely rang at 6.30. Many of the group had a mere hour in bed and were still drunk but we all made it to the airport even if some of their belongings didn't.

I almost cried (again) when we touched down in London and as much as I did an amazing thing, I had more going on personally than I shared with anyone. It had meant more to me that I could explain and I'd still rather not. Suffice it to say, I put a lot of pressure on myself & the trip and it didn't deliver & neither did I but hey, I climbed a bloody mountain. If anything I am more proud of the people that showed such generosity and donated to the cause. The grand total was £10,391 before take off. I can't express enough gratitude for that and money is still coming in! Thank you to everyone. Hopefully in the coming days, weeks, months or years the trip will take on a new memory but just yet it's too soon, too raw and far too painful to recall. I love looking at the photos everyone took as if looking at some movie that I wasn't in. I'm glad everyone loved it at least.

I can't explain how happy I am to be home and for the sunshine to be here on my return. I feel I could sleep for a week and never complain about the cold again. I have a feeling that in a few weeks some will be reminding me of that last statement given I do feel the cold.

It's my birthday on Saturday and here's hoping 42 really is the meaning of life.
x

Ad watch (with Kenyan twist):

Another One Bites the Dust

2011-09-12T14:50:00.000-07:00

Ah August you lovely little month you. How I miss ye. September... would you mind leaving please? Or at least starting again. Or how about we just forget the first couple of weeks and make it all about 13th- 30th?

Back to the seductive charms of August. A gentle start with Pilates classes, an acoustic Rae Morris gig, a model scouting job and a couple of gym sessions all in the first week set the month up nicely.

Caroline & I took a train to see our chum Emma in Canterbury. We had a short & sweet stint shopping, lunching, drinking and chatting. It was lovely and long overdue.

That evening, London suffered the first night of its riots that quite frankly I won't waste breath on.

Sunday's weather may have been dark and damp but sat undercover watching As You Like It was a delight. I am so lucky to be included in on so many of Tracy's 40 for 40 fun plans and this was another. I have always wanted to see Shakespeare at the Globe so I am ticking off my own list simultaneously!

I had evening plans but we decided to have a drink. One drink turned into two as we decided to pass time until my Trekstock charity auction ended. I didn't want to be sat on a tube when the bidding ended. We made our way across Millennium Bridge and counted down from ten. An incredible £780 was bid! 

The following day my best friend from primary school who is also like a sister to me arrived to stay. We went out and she met my other separated at birth friend and it was great to have them both meet and get on like I knew they would. The riots did their best to spoil the week but we tried to work around them. We had to cancel stuff but it didn't matter. I wish she lived nearer as I always feel sad when we part.

After a trek Q&A evening, Kerry & I went off to Dorset for some hardcore training. It was much needed and we really put the hours in. The first walk was tough and I was worried about how unfit I felt. The second walk felt much easier. It made me cross I hadn't trained harder and for longer over the past months. Sadly I am sat here now with a week to go and feel exactly the same! Eek, how did it get here so fast?

The winner of the auction lives in Istanbul and so we're meeting later in the year which left me with a voucher to redeem. I took Neva as it was her birthday and the restaurant didn't seem too interested in my companion so I didn't mention the change in plan. It wasn't like the press were there or anything! 

My dear friend Bebs came to stay and that pretty much always goes the same way. Non-stop talking and a few drinks whilst putting the world to rights and not a single taboo subject left uncovered. 

Poor Bebs though, we arrived at Euston and the entire departure board read CANCELLED. She had to go home from St. Pancras via Leeds but as I had a pressing engagement, I left her.

I made my way back to Highgate to meet 2 members of The Slow Readers Club who it turns out had been bidding for dinner with me all week and had been pipped to the post at the last minute. They offered a whopping £500 to meet with me. I know this all sounds a bit weird and I wouldn't want anyone to think I've been pimping myself out but... they wanted me to listen to their new self-financed album and offer advice. We spent 5 hours in the pub so it worked out at £100 per hour. They got a good deal I think. Ha, ha! The fact they donated so generously and even gave me a lift home before making the long journey back up the M1 to Manchester didn't have any bearing on my view. They're a great band. Phew. How bad would that have been if I'd have hated their music and felt compelled to slag it off?

Mondays I try to stay in and this week it was much needed with another busy week planned.

A lovely soiree to celebrate a good friend's birthday on Tuesday. First to arrive last to leave. Oops.

A BAFTA preview screening of An Idiot Abroad followed by a Q&A with Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant  & Karl Pilkington. 

At the middle of the week my liver started to scream at me. On my drunken way home after BAFTA and booze, proclaiming to the social networks that my life was great and I was so lucky, so happy etc. etc. I dropped my iPhone and the screen shattered. The August tide turned.

I awoke feeling rough and the torrential rain did little to lift my mood. I made my way to meet a friend but for one reason or another arrived late. I hate tardiness.

After a healthy lunch to help my battered body recover, I headed to a meeting. I waited around for an hour for the woman to arrive and wasn't best pleased when she didn't. I complained quietly until I realized I was a spectacular 24 hours late. I really hate tardiness.

Caught up with Jane on her visit down and once again the stupid unpredictable weather interfered somewhat. I got to take this photo though so it was worth it.

Bank Holiday Monday the funk kicked in. I have no idea why or where it came from but it took a hold of me and refused to budge. 

Another busy week was filled with great stuff but all of it tinged with doom and hinged on gloom. 

I walked to Vicki's before a dinner with my adopted nephews. It took me an hour fast pace walking to get there but an incredulous two to get the bus home. "The bus" was actually 2 but it's a long story but not one for a blog. I got in at 1 a.m in the foulest mood due to bus drivers from hell.

Still with a cloud hanging over me, September arrived. It followed me despite the pleasure of seeing Lucy for the first time in 14 months, meeting Patti Rose - the new addition to the Hamer-Stubbs family (and borrowed kit from Rich - star), dinner with my publisher (*meeting went well but an important part of my writing was met with negative comments which threw my mood a shade darker) and adding (or rather, subtracting from) to my ever decreasing fund pot by buying stuff of the trek kit list.

I spent the weekend in a drunken stupor - I might be the reason that word sounds similar to stupid - and hazily made my way through Mark's 30th (fun) and Inbetweeners movie (funny). After two sober sobering days I went spectacularly up and down like a rollercoaster. I shall refer to the incident only as McGate as I wouldn't want to ruin the memory of John Grant - possibly the greatest gig of all time.

My cultural experiences last weekend were intrinsically linked without me realizing - until now in fact. Once more Tracy's list offered me a new experience. We went to Burlesque at Proud Cabaret that was more strip than tease.

The following day I made good use of my National Arts Pass to gain free entry to the Courtauld Gallery to see Toulouse-Lautrec & Jane Avril Beyond the Moulin Rouge exhibition. Saucy lady. 

What a treat to find other permanent collections there by Gauguin, Picasso, Manet, Degas and countless other greats... 

On Friday I am going to France to see my lovely Michael & Amy get married (well, technically they wed last Friday). The weather is currently 31 degrees so hopefully it will be a lovely sunny trip. I get back Monday evening and then (drum roll) Tuesday leave for Kenya.

I packed my bag on Saturday to weigh it and make sure everything fits. It was very underweight and does indeed fit. It's all very real now. As David Walliams completed his Thames swim tonight I couldn't help feel an extra surge of motivation. I'm as ready as I'll ever be (not enough) and raring to go. 

I upped the target a few weeks ago and the total now raised is an amazing £10,131! I am proud to say that my sponsors' donations total £8,969 and for that all I can say is a HUGE thank you to all those amazing people who gave to this great cause. I will think of you all at any point I feel like giving up. 

I can tell you now I will cry, I will struggle but I will endeavour to have the most amazing experience to share on my next blog. See you on the other side.

All that remains is ad watch but first, my boys released Paradise today. I loves it I do. Check it out.

I only want to mention one advert with one word: catonkey!

Now, the problem I have with a particular Guzzle Puzzle advert is one of the essentially rude looking sweets has non-consensual sex with another. That said, we're supposed to take sweets up the mountain for little bursts of energy. Judging by the way it leaps into the other, maybe they're the perfect fix for me. Yum! Let's face it, it's going to be the only action at 17,000 feet!

You're so vain...

2011-07-31T12:21:00.000-07:00

... you probably think this blog is about you. Well it isn't, it's about me, myself and I. 

I don't think I have ever done so much in such a small space of time. I don't want to bore anyone with my tales but some of the highlights are worth sharing and may I start by saying I am SO lucky.

In chronological order, my own vanity begins. 

Had my first visit to the wonderful BAFTA to see what was billed as a "Masterclass: Writing for comedy with Miranda Hart". It was more an interview to be honest but all my questions were answered and I got the motivation I was looking for. 

I went to Venice on a day trip to see Coldplay perform at the Heineken Jammin Festival and as I was sat on the "wrong" side of the plane, my view as we came into land wasn't the picturesque Venice that I have been lucky enough to visit twice before but a more industrial scene. Turns out me & Jonny got a good view of the festival site and my photo of it wound up on the live blog for their official website.  

It was great seeing everyone again, some of whom I hadn't seen since the Latin American tour. I watched the show from the sound desk with a glass of Italian red and sang my head off. 

I made myself useful too by collecting the hard-drive for Roadie #42 at the end of the set. It was an amazing night and the weather stayed fair for us despite the previous downpours threatening a wet one. On the way home we supped Champagne to celebrate Vicki's birthday and crawled to bed in the small hours.

I did acapella Karaoke with Est & Nic at Vicki's party the night after, once everyone had left. Sang Dolly Parton's 9-5 at the top of our lungs. Got to bed at 3 again. I don't know how I made it through the next day or the following night at another birthday that saw me get to bed at a rather disgraceful 8 in the morning. 

A ditched "Dance like Britney" class means the only training for trek / exercise has been a few trips to a local circuit training centre for ladies who were impressed with hula hooping skills - and one walk around Hampstead Heath with fellow trekkers. Got a walking trip to Dorset coming up. I'm not walking there, but walking when I get there.

I met with my publisher for dinner and that turned into drinks and laughs after going through new ideas that I promised to have sample excerpts of in his inbox before noon the day after.(Celeb spot - the very cool Rich Hall.

I managed to get the work done before hopping on a train to Bristol to see the Halo reunion gig at The Fleece. It was so bizarre being there for the first time in probably ten years. It was so great to hang out with the boys and I managed another 3 a.m night. 

You know when you regret not whipping out the camera for a YouTube moment, well I had one of mammoth proportions. While we waiting to go to an after hours club night, I saw two drunken male friends (of each other, not of mine) who could barely stand. One dropped his trousers and bent over slapping his own arse, not a pretty sight I can tell you, while his friend filmed it on his phone. Two police officers walked by and turned a blind eye. The bare cheeked one waddled after them with his trousers round his ankles before giving up as they walked on oblivious.

I went on a date. Yes, a real one. It was quite good but first impressions aren't always that spot on. He turned out to be a complete **** so won't be seeing him again.

I went to one of my cultural foreign film visits & saw 17 Girls, a film based on real life goings on in Massachusetts where girls made a pact to become pregnant at the same time when one fell pregnant. I didn't enjoy the film or the subject matter but a documentary about the real girls would be of interest. That probably won't happen given their identities are protected because of their young ages. Crikey, I cannot imagine that happening at my school even though two of my friends did have their first child during what would have been term time had they stayed. If there'd been a meeting suggesting any such thing, I'd have been as immovable as I would be now.

Blog interlude: Blackadder.
If we had to compare subsequent careers of Rowan Atkinson, Tony Robinson, Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry, who would we say has had the better path? If I just take one thing for each:
Rowan - Mr. Bean
Tony - Time Team
Hugh - House
Stephen - QI
I'm loving Stephen the best I reckon.

Back to blog:

I decided to skip Glastonbury for reasons I'll keep to myself and as soon as Coldplay took to the stage I immediately regretted the decision and made a promise to myself to never let the reason be the reason again. I sat and drank cider whilst watching and had lots of texts from people as well as my mate Stephen to keep me company. In fact, Stephen decided that the following day we should do something to almost make up for it. We wandered to the Secret Garden (shhhh) and then on to 100 Club for an intimate Alice Cooper show. Special guest was

Jonny Depp on guitar which caused quite a stir. The aftershow was quite possibly the most sophisticated, decadent aftershow I have ever been to. The food and drink at the W hotel was sublime. A great night out and had a natter with Alice at the end of the night who proved to be an interesting witty fella.

I had a little jaunt to Dublin to see Gina, my oldest friend (as in known the longest, not in age). It's never long enough. I always feel emotional when I leave her. Soft git that I am but she's like a sister to me. I have 2 friends that I wouldn't be surprised if I was to learn we're related and Gina is one of them. Given my known feelings on not wanting my own children, it's always a pleasure to spend time with hers.

There was a Take That at Wembley show but my experience was that disastrous I'd really rather never mention it again as long as I live! The highlight was having my sis-in-law and her sis staying with me. Thankfully they had a great time.

Once more a friend rescued me the following day to make up for it. I went to fulfil an ambition of 25 years; I saw Grace Jones live. It was so incredible even though I had been abusing the free bar all afternoon but wow, what a lady. Kudos to Sam whom I watched with - a new friend was made. Pulp headlined and all in all a great day was had with a visit to the Met bar to round of the evening.

T in the Park was something I had been looking forward to. The first night in Glasgow was great, tipsy and let loose in a casino. Watching of course, not gambling. It marked the first night out in what was to become almost 15 on the trot. I have to say that from the second I turned up at T's box office and they gave me the wrong pass, I should have known then how the weekend would go. Beyonce was great fun but the promoters, the jobsworths and the security destroyed my Coldplay experience. So much for skipping Glasto for THAT! Sunday's weather did little to pick me up although seeing Hurts live made me extremely happy.

The following nights were out meeting friends, drinks, cinema visits (including Bridesmaids and Harry Potter 7 pt ii), parties, comedy, curry and a free treat to We Will Rock You which was fantastic! The last night out for a while culminated in the show that was to make up for Glasto & T; Coldplay at The Roundhouse as part of the iTunes festival. An incredible performance in what seems such an intimate venue these days. Got to hang out with lots of wonderful friends too that night and I really did feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Saturday was a casual day meeting my much missed friend Jake for a late lunch in Camden. Round about the time we left the restaurant, unbeknownst to us at that time, an emergency call was being made from Amy Winehouse's home also in Camden.
I was on the phone with Vicki when the text came through. I felt sick and prayed it was a hoax. Still on the phone I googled and it confirmed what I suppose I had dreaded years ago. I posted a video online 5 weeks ago criticising the fact she'd been allowed anywhere near a stage. News of her death had a profound effect on me. It took me by surprise. The sadness was overwhelming and although I didn't know her, I knew people that did. I have been a fan for 8 years and bought both albums and was lucky enough to see her live twice. The damning negative toxic spew that has been said since her death makes me very angry as we don't have a clue what's been going on in more recent times. I had hoped people would have more compassion. It's not because she was famous that I care, it is because she was young, talented and very ill. I have heard many people claim that drugs killed her. I say that ultimately her addictions probably did. I think we should all look out for the people we know who suffer at the hands of any addictions or mental health issues. If anyone thinks that drugs are glamourised in the music industry, go and watch YouTube clips of Amy surrounded by anything but glamour...

Thankfully I had a great fun day out yesterday that will lift the sombre mood. My friend Tracy is completing a list of 40 things to do in a year of turning 40. Yesterday she, I & Jude went to Hampton Court's maze and Thorpe Park to tick off, er, 'do the maze at Hampton Court' and 'ride a giant rollercoaster'. I agreed to go cos I fancied the maze bit (bit disappointing to be honest). We all started at the same point and agreed to meet in the centre. It wasn't that big so didn't take long but it wasn't as easy as I had hoped so I got there last!

I was happy to accompany Tracy to the theme park but didn't agree to riding the ride. Stupidly a few nights before I texted to say that I was coming round to the idea that I may actually go on one. BIG mistake. I was held to it and yesterday after bailing out of one queue as the fear had turned to palpable levels, I found myself in the queue for Nemesis Inferno!

I loved it! We then went on a rollercoaster in the dark that went backwards and Tidal Wave - it's not called that for nothing. There wasn't a millimeter of me that wasn't drenched. Super fun! Thank goodness we had the most amazing weather.

There was a sign as we queued that said "You will get very wet on this ride". It wasn't lying. We finished off with a ride called Zodiac that was like what I expect getting into a tumble dryer is like. Handy given how wet were were but by 'eck it was fast and pretty dizzy inducing. It was a brilliant day out but if you fancy it, do take advantage of 2 for 1 tickets as it's £40 each and we only got there at 3.30!

I was going to moan about Matthew Wright's obscene treatment of a 33 year old cancer sufferer on his show but you know what? He's not worth it.

Now for some big news and I may need you to help me out on this one. As you know, I am trekking up Mount Kenya and have been raising money for Trekstock. The amount is still growing but I am looking to raise more. I have decided to do something daft. If you could follow this link to eBay and watch the video, I would appreciate either bids or a tweet / email of the link to as many people as you can send it to.
I won't spoil the surprise so you can benefit from laughing AT me but any help at all in getting this viral asap would be amazing!

Finally to ad watch:
Lots of people love the Birds Eye polar bear but did you know that it was this amazing actor?

A favourite amongst many is the Old Spice, definitely cooler than I remember but has the smell changed? If not, I doubt even the dude on the horse can save it.

I wanted to mention a few ads that 'borrow' familiar tunes to advertise with soundalike tunes. Currently doing the rounds are a Coldplay, an Elbow and a Rihanna. They seem to be mostly insurance companies so good enough reason not to link to them. They're not subtle enough to not notice but I guess I am nepotistic when it comes to Coldplay.
But then, I did say something about vanity at the start of this blog.
If the cap fits...

Miss May

2011-06-05T14:27:00.000-07:00

I took off my clothes and lay waiting for him. His hands were warm. He asked if it was hard enough, I replied I'd like it harder. He said that he usually used his elbows... whoa! You haven't stumbled upon some kind of soft porn fiction or any intimate diary by mistake. This was my first encounter of a male masseur. I wasn't even asked if it was ok. It was more than ok though, he was great. Hailing from Tibet he slipped me his card (what did you think I was going to say?) as I left so I could book him privately. Oh come on, stop with the filth you lot!

The word massage comes from the French word meaning "friction of kneading" which is something I did earlier. With dough. I tried to make fresh ravioli but had a couple of disasters. I don't know why I changed my mind at the last moment but I did. I went for a different recipe and a different technique. It was a total flop. My food processor is knackered courtesy of James Redmond and Paul Foot breaking it on Celebrity Come Dine With Me. I then decided to use my blender (totally different and stupid idea). I ditched that for a good old fashioned bowl although I wish I'd done the entire thing on the worktop. Hey ho, it didn't quite look right so I made just one little parcel filled with ricotta and spinach. It wasn't as bad as it looked but I think I need to try again another day.

How did I miss blogging for the whole month of May? I have no idea but I must have been busy. There was Easter weekend which didn't quite go as planned due to ~~something~~ someone out of my control. Miss May was referring to that by the way, not one Imogen Thomas. May I comment? (Excuse that bad pun, I assure you it was accidental). I think I am allowed to. What did she expect getting involved with a married man? I'm afraid I have no sympathy as that's saved for his family. Actually 'him' who can be named (I hope) is Ryan Giggs and today more allegations came out. I know that people cheat and it's a common fact of life but if someone pressed pause on your life just before the lustful deed and fast forwarded to the end, consequences and all I wonder how many people just wouldn't bother?

May has gone, it's June so half way through the year feels as good a time as any to see how my New Year list is going.

Stop smoking. Still not had one. Not missing it all but... Since giving up smoking I seem to have piled on the pounds and because I like a tipple, it's just not shifting.
Keep a food diary. Oops, every so often I do but not enough.
Drink between 1-2 litres of water /day and keep skin hydrated. Nope. I am rubbish at this. I have no excuses. None.
Reduce alcohol intake. I do actively have days where I will make sure I don't drink any booze but there have been so many social gatherings it's been hard.
Up the fruit & veg intake. Not much.
Take a digestive enzyme. I ran out of them. I can't afford luxuries!
Meditate once/twice a week. Erm, next!
Attempt to improve sleep and change patterns. Ah well apart from crazy 3/4 a.m nights the sleep has improved. Patterns not so much. I'm finding it hard to adjust to being awoken at 4.30 every morning (birds are noisy little blighters).
Get out in the fresh air every day. Almost every day I do go out and have been walking a LOT. Mind you I do have a balcony so technically it's not hard for me to get out in the fresh air at any given moment.
Be more exposed to daylight - stop being a vampire! I have no choice to be frank. I do wear my eye mask in the early hours but this flat is very light & bright.
Exfoliate once a week. This isn't going well is it? Every other week? Maybe.
Improve posture. Oh dear. I try when I remember. I forget a lot.
Massage/treatment every 6 weeks. Oooh now I have probably done better on averages here. I have had 3 in 6 weeks. Phew, at least something is going well.
Hair cut every 3 months. Ha ha ha! I had my haircut on Thursday. That was first time since 11th February.
Budget wisely and make sure that I am debt free by December 31st 2011. I am budgeting but again, not by choice. I am broke. There's never anything left at the end of the month and it's the first time in about 9 years I have been in this situation. I HATE it. So what am I doing about it? I'll tell you next time!

Maybe I should print the list and stick it up somewhere I can see it?!?

I pushed my nerves to try something very new. I attended a voice over workshop and have to say that I didn't mind the playback half as much as the recording. I've been in vocal booths before but there's something about performing that does make me very nervous. There were only 3 people listening to me but it made me self-conscious. It was a great adrenalin kick and apparently I wasn't bad.

I'm finding training difficult in terms of trying to get fit. I am still very much struggling with uphill walking/running too. Jogging feels so unnatural to me but I'm trying to raise my stamina and levels of fitness. I'm not dreading the trek just yet though as I still have over 3 months training to go. Oooh speaking of:

As usual I have spent quality time with many good friends having a ball but I have to say that one particular highlight was going to see my boys perform at the Forum for family & friends. I haven't seen Coldplay in that venue since 1999 and to see them back there again with 4 albums under their belt about to embark on the festival circuit was a treat. Reports back from the first 2 nights are incredible and I can't wait to see them on a big stage in a field somewhere soon.

There have been birthdays, a marriage, the end of a friendship, new friends made, a visit to see the family, a birth and sadly a death.

Hopefully the next time I write there'll be no bad news and I'll be a few pounds lighter, but not in my wallet!
x

Here's the latest instalment of ad watch:
I don't care much for what's going on at 31 Bywell Avenue quite frankly. Why is Danielle covering her bits? More worryingly why is the lady in senior years commenting on her being tidy? I doubt she knows that much about grooming nether regions. Silly.

Which is a word I would also use to describe whoever thought that Suremen is a good brand name for a male deodorant. Condoms maybe given it looks like it's called semen. What? Oh come on, I set the tone right from the start. Blame the hot weather.

Last on the list is a local and I feel I must apologise as I have met him and he's lovely but by 'eck Vernon's Mum is a much better actor than him.

As summer is almost here maybe next time I will have a perfume ad special featuring hot men I fancy. Perfume ads are just so sexy. Taking off their clothes as they lie waiting... Oh we did that already didn't we?

Red, Whites and Blue

2011-04-18T13:23:00.000-07:00

Ah I am feeling quite relaxed this evening thanks to Anila at The Retreat for one of the best massages I've had in a long time and a lush facial. I was already loving this week because it's the start of 4 days on, 4 days off, 4 days on, 4 days off due to blissful Easter, Bank Holiday and the Royal Wedding. Did you know (if you didn't can you believe) that you can knit your own royal wedding?

Ah my poor brother, he made the pilgrimage to Wembley yesterday along with many other Bolton fans to watch a pitiful, disgraceful, embarrassing defeat to Stoke. Not just a near miss either, a 5-0 whipping. The whites couldn't even get one past in memory of Nat.

I expected a Bolton vs. Manchester final... The previous day the Manchester derby saw the blues take on the mighty reds and win.

What is the darned difference between the names given to trousers that are not full length? I remember being about 10 years old and having a pair of black taffeta knickerbockers. When I was about 12 I had a pair of green pedal pushers (with matching top). When I was 17 I got a pair of black capri pants. Last year I sported some cropped jeans.
I pondered this very conundrum on my hour bus journey home at 1 a.m on my way back from All Star Lanes where I ate, drank, sang and bowled at my primary school friend Sally's 50s themed hen do.

I was dressed in the exact black capri pants that I got when I was 17. And no, before you ask, that was not back in the 50s.

What's the point in bus countdowns that lie? I was on my way to another 50s themed event - Million Dollar Quartet (thanks Ben!) - the night before. Waiting for the 214, the countdown was at 6 mins. When it read "due" the C2 was next in line at 4 mins with the following 214 being next at 18 mins. Hang on though, 18 minutes? How can that possibly be when they're supposed to run every 6-8 minutes and I was only 2 stops from the very first stop? While standing perplexed at that, I noticed the due 214 disappeared from the countdown and didn't show up! I could have and should walked.

Speaking of, the trek training is going ok but only in the urban sense of walking from A-B (apart from the above bus journey) I've been fast walking everywhere - in my trainers. I'm not happy about the fashion as it's not going to help in the pulling stakes but I guess fast walking in normal footwear makes me look impatient or weird. The donations have been coming in and I am so grateful for every penny. A special mention to my lovely friends who generously bumped the total up to an astounding amount!

There's a lot of crime about. I was victim of a crime the other week in fact. Well ok, I wasn't but the robbing donkeys! Well, not exactly rob. Basically one of the horses I backed won the Grand National - yay! I also had an each way bet on the 5th place. The bookies wouldn't pay out on that though because it was placed using a free bet. Hmmm, so they gave me a free bet just for fun?
I was witness to a double crime the other day. A man in a white van was driving whilst on his mobile phone and smoking. The smoking bit is illegal because he was in his place of work (stupid law) though to be fair, smoking whilst driving should be banned. I can say that as an ex-smoker of course but I confess I had a couple of incidents which could have involved an accident; dropping a lit cigarette being one.

Ooh just to interject, I saw smoke coming out of a closed down shop today which had its shutters down. People were stood outside staring at it and talking about it. Someone called the fire brigade and alerted the people either side and above in offices but nobody moved away. It was only when I pointed out the shop used to sell helium balloons and may still have canisters that could explode at any minute that anyone moved an inch back. One guy even tried to open the METAL shutter.
I have yet to find out what happened but sure it'll be on YouTube as some folk were filming.

Back to crime busting... so the woman in the car in front of the man in a van was driving (child in passenger seat) whilst writing. Not just a wee scribble of a note either. The traffic was slow moving but she had an A4 pad on her lap, no hands on the wheel and managed to write half a page whilst slowly edging forwards.

I love the bus for witnessing strange goings on. Like the woman driving the wrong way down the pavement and getting her car stuck at the bollards. Like the man who announced to the driver that even as a trained acrobat he wasn't able to withstand the jolty driving ending with him getting violent, threatening passengers, drivers and bus. The bus won).

I had the pleasure of attending the MAK gig at the beautiful Union Chapel. Both Badly Drawn Boy and The Travelling Band were great. The night didn't end; got home at 7 a.m with many highlights to keep me company but need to share this - thanks to Phil at Gerry's for that gem.

I have become addicted to TV. It's not good, I had done without it for so long and now I am hooked in. It's a great source of material for anyone wanting to rant though. Ahem.
I could not give one **** what Katie did next or what the next chapter is for Peter and Kerry - who seem to have the same named reality shows - or the Essex way or see that smug James Brown (not, that James Brown) try and find a great hairdresser...
But I did sit glued to Eastenders' climax of the baby swap story. I stayed at The Hotel a few years ago so had to watch that too.

Speaking of hotels, why is The Hotel Inspector on Channel 5 sponsored by Playtex? I know Alex Polizzi has large breasts but what a strange choice. I wonder if she gets free bras?

I have noticed whilst channel hopping there is a plethora of +1 channels available but strangely no Channel Five +1. (Whoever said that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit is a liar by the way).

Coldplay very kindly retweeted my twitter experiment. I posted asking if people fancied sponsoring me £1. I thought if 50 people donated, that would raise £50 (duh) and through their tweet I actually got 6 donations but they totalled £110. Result!
If anyone wants to join the £1 challenge, I'd be eternally grateful if you'd like to donate here. Except my brother who knows I hold him to a blackmail.

Second installment of ad watch:

I love the new IKEA advert. No need to explain.

The other ad that has caught my attention is rather a sensitive one. I mean, who wants to see a commercial for trimming lady gardens? If it isn't bad enough they end it with "...whatever your style. Free your skin." Ridiculous.
Short back and sides anyone?

Did you know that isit is a word? Is it? Yes it is. And it sort of means exactly what it sounds like it should mean. If you've been listening, now would be a good time to say it.
Isit.

Ketchup Catsup

2011-03-27T13:35:00.000-07:00

Are you feeling fonder of me now? That was quite an absence.
Before anyone gets worried when they read this, don't.
I took February off because it's full of feelings I can't shake and this year it started with a brand new pain so I ducked out. It would be remiss of me not to mention its stand out moment though. I moved home and I have to say I have never been happier since I did. It's the first time in my life I have chosen to live alone and I'm loving it. February can get stuffed and I shall embrace the next one.

So, what's new? Probably best to skim over the lost time or I'll be here all night. Shall we start with where I am in relation to the wellbeing 2011 plan?
I still haven't had a cigarette. It's strange I didn't even think of having one when February smacked me in the face (ok, so I'll leave February alone now. It's not like the actual month is to blame and it's such a harmless short arse of a month).
The Bikram was sabotaged because of some sinus shenanigans. 8 weeks later I still have those problems; maybe the Bikram environment itself is to blame?
I did complete gym membership and managed to squeeze a few visits in despite sinuses. The food diary hasn't been in full effect but I've been baking & cooking which means I've been more aware of what's in my meals I suppose. I'd forgotten how much I loved cooking but deffo need to improve my culinary skills.
More exposure to daylight comes courtesy of the new flat and due to the harshness of daybreak into my bedroom at an ungodly hour, I have been getting to bed a little earlier too. I swear I am a vampire. It's like being blinded by light every morning but I am getting used to it. Also getting used to the freakish foxes and their mating season. Jeez they're noisy blighters. So are the gang of crows. I didn't make a mistake in calling them a gang either as I'm pretty sure they're waiting there at stupid o' clock to beat up on some poor defenceless bird - other than me.
Been walking a lot - two and half hours yesterday alone. Actually I jogged some of it. Ha that sounded smug didn't it? That's because even I am impressed!!
I'm achieving quite a lot on the list but cutting back on booze and drinking more water are high on my April onwards agenda.

It may be helped by the fact I've signed up to climb a mountain in September for the charity Trekstock which is no walk in the park. Well, it is. Mount Kenya National Park to be exact. It's an amazing charity and I have been supporting them for a while now but I decided it was time for a challenge.

In other news I am delighted to announce the arrival of my 4.7lb bundle of joy. No, you didn't miss something, I took ownership of a new MacBook. I am quite giddy with it.

I'm so lucky right now because despite being held to a tight budget from tomorrow, I do many great free things. I've started going to film screenings at the Everyman cinema in Hampstead with Q&As with directors as well as attending my first Literary Salon which I thoroughly enjoyed. The next one was even better because Helen Fielding was there reading from her initial notes of Bridget Jones 3 and told us what was going to happen. It was all rather exciting as we sat making audible gasps whilst sipping our G&Ts courtesy of Hendrick's.
Even walking around my local area is a delight. The views I have over London are pretty amazing. From the top of my street I can see the dome of St. Pauls, The London Eye, O2, Battersea power station... spectacular.
I've managed to book a few things in before the purse strings tighten including massages, trip up North to see the family, trip to Em's wedding, and a non-realted hen do. I won't be missing out that's for sure though the aim is to write, write and write some more. I began editing novel notes last week so am entering a new phase of motivation. ITV 4 running the Rocky series reminded me to perhaps start every day with Rocky's theme because if that doesn't get me going, I don't know what will.

James A treated me to Priscilla which was camptastic! I haven't seen the film but that didn't matter. All the songs were contemporary pop songs and we had a ball.
Tracy & I went to see Chicago which was rather disappointing due to members of the audience having no theatre etiquette whatsoever. It didn't have the greatest vocal performances ever but no matter, we enjoyed ourselves with the help of quantities of fizz and a love of the songs.

Speaking of disappointments, Secret Cinema lost their touch on their last outing in my opinion (we got stuck with Valentine's Night too which wasn't my preferred option) with very little cohesion between the event itself and the film. The Red Shoes was superb but the fact I had spent a lot of dosh on my outfit which remained concealed by my coat due to the arctic temperatures did little to raise my enthusiasm. I'm going to skip April's and catch them up in May.

It was lovely to see some old friends/family in the past 8 weeks, makes me realise I want to make more time to do that. Just as well because I have a few more visitors and visits already booked.

So after a brief filling in on what I've been doing, what's been filling my head?

There's been teething troubles with the move, general nuisances, annoyances, grievances and the aforementioned sadness opened up grumbles but to be honest after the terrible tragedies in Japan and the devastation its people are enduring it feels so very wrong to moan and complain about anything so I won't.

As I've been away a while I don't want to come back and leave you in gloom so I will lighten the mood a little.

I've decided that I will be having an ad watch section in every subsequent blog given there are so many that attract my attention. for varying reasons. I sometimes think an ad is sheer brilliance but not doing its job as I can't remember what they're selling! I shall start it off with the following to ease us in:

That bloke who used to be on Eastenders (yes, I know that doesn't narrow it down much) who's trying to get you to claim insurance, he says that you could accept it as fate or say "I absolutely did not deserve that". Hmm I can't help think that I'd probably be swearing like a mad man rather than any zen like calm.

You are what you eat ad for sweetcorn is a golden oldie but hang on, let's take a closer look. Apparently if you eat French fries you'll be French and runner beans you'll be a runner. Surely it follows then that if you eat Green Giant sweetcorn you'll be green?

Finally before I sign off. If I adopt a puppy it will write to me. How? It's not like it's a cat with thumbs is it?

Miaow.

The sky's the limit

2011-01-27T15:37:00.000-08:00

Forget sexism in football for a minute, something far more urgent caught my eye. A pilot was too drunk to fly a passenger plane. Apparently he was more than four times the legal alcohol limit for pilots. Now it's not actually the fact he was four times over(four times though, my God!) that bothers me it's the fact there is a "legal limit" in place at all. I don't recall ever hearing a pilot slur his words but there have been a few of them who on recollection I thought were trying their hand at comedy. Maybe they were a bit merry? Are some of them secretly swigging the minatures over the white cliffs of Dover? Are some helping themselves to the free flowing booze on long-haul somewhere over the Atlantic?
Passengers are often thrown off (not mid-air of course) for getting drunk on flights but the bloody pilot?
He was also over the legal driving limit. I wonder if he drove himself to the airport?
He's been jailed for 6 months by the way. I reckon a drunk driver would get less. When you think about it both are absolutely abhorrent and yet one is penalized more than the other.

Speaking of sky & penalties I'll go back to the nonsense that occurred with Richard Keys and Andy Gray at the weekend. A recording was leaked of the two Sky Sports commentators making sexist remarks about a female linesman (er, lineswoman/person?)Oh she was the assistant referee wasn't she? Anyway sorry for being glib but I just laughed when I heard the pair of daft tits (or for the purposes of this perhaps testicles would be more fitting). It just embarrassed them and showed them up being misogynistic at work. What woman hasn't encountered that? Their work just happens to be a male dominated sport that doesn't usually have women on the pitch. It was only a matter of time of course but I can imagine there were hundreds of men watching Liverpool v Wolves saying exactly the same thing. No it is not acceptable but it goes on every single day for so many. Mostly behind closed doors or in the pub (ha ha I am now stereotyping gentlemen to be drinkers).
Lest we forget women are sexist too.
I recall a girl at a place I worked once pinching the behind of our (very handsome) post guy and he reported her. I wanted to shake his hand. The majority of people couldn't believe he had taken it to that stage but why shouldn't he? We encourage women to do that don't we? It's a two way street. Both sexes objectify (just switch on ITV at 12.30 weekdays to see women do rather a lot of it) but men seem to take the heat for it more. I don't think I would have sacked them. An apology and then community service of washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning... I jest of course, what I'd really like to know is who is drawing the line and indeed, where is it?
Is is not acceptable depending on your status/celebrity? (P.M, TV personality etc.)
Is it accpetable to think it but not say it out loud?
Is it ok to say it out loud but but not overheard?
Is it ok to be overheard as long as you're not recorded?
Who is leaking these "private" conversations?
Given the stuff I say "off the record" it makes me want to turn to elective mutism. A lot of people would welcome that.

30 days to go until I move. I'm so excited.I went to Ikea with Tracy last week and bought new bedding, crockery, cutlery and glasses for my new place. It's quite strange buying stuff that I used to have. It's like every time I do I start a new chapter so it's quite therapeutic even if expensive.
We spent ages sitting at tables and trying out chairs. Looked at shelves too but realised as I lay awake last night that there isn't room to actually build these flat pack things once I get them in! Picked a sofa bed so people can stay. Not sure it will open out though as it really is a small place. On my way to Tracy's I went down a certain road and saw 3 interesting shop names all in the space of two blocks.
The bravely named Sweat Shop was as you may expect selling fitness attire not full of under paid or under aged workers.
Chompoo Thai restaurant proprietors obviously hadn't bothered to look into the meaning of their name to English speakers. It's certainly not selling the idea of eating there to me!
Finally the Master Chef cafe that looked anything but. Roux Jr. probably (most definitely didn't) ever start his career there.
(Apologies to any of these places that may discover I have ridiculed them).

Time to mention Bikram Yoga. I went tonight (my 14th out of 23) after work and it was my favourite class so far. The heater was fixed last week so the heat has become unbearable the past few days. Yesterday for example when I was upside down I saw the woman behind me (now sort of in front of me) was wearing a 'watch' with the temperature clearly showing a dizzy, panic inducing 111 degrees. I was so close to giving up. I wanted to run to the windows and make a break for it. Tonight was great though. There had been no class since 10.15 so the room hadn't had chance to fire up quite the same.
The characters there are still disctracting me for various reasons. I had the misfortune to be next to a proper panter, grunter snot beast last week. He was grossing me out. I made a mental note to avoid him in future. Someone's toes touched my mat in one class and I yanked it away as quickly as possible. Not very serene I know but ugh! There is one woman who is in a lot of my classes no matter when I go. She turns up in full workout clothes, always stands at the back of the room in the same spot and peels off a layer every so often. First the sweat pants come off (such an apt name), then the zipped long-sleeved top, then the shorts that I saw her wring out over herself (I know that's disgusting right?) which leaves her working out in a low cut swimsuit. The girl needs a wax that's all I'm saying.
There's a notice saying if you're lucky enough to sweat a lot and detoxify, please use 2 or 3 mats so the carpet doesn't get damaged. This woman is doing yoga in a puddle people. A puddle of her own sweat on her own mat. Her own very thin, single mat. Not 2 or 3. That wouldn't be enough anyway. The thing is she also decides to ignore the teacher and goes at her own pace so when we've all done our sit up with exhales as one unit, she's not even started so you hear her seconds later. I am still practicing yoga with a poker face but things like that upset my equilibrium and poker face is exactly what I want to do to her (sic)...

The Joys of Teen Sex... er am I getting old or does my prudish know no bounds? What in God's name is going on? There was no such thing on TV when I was a teenager it was a case of learning on the job as it were. I saw the trailers for it and decided that as I am not a teenager, I do not have teenagers and don't have sex with teenagers (well... that's another story for another blog) there's nothing in that show for me. But one could argue that I am not a fat gypsy, haven't got any fat gyspy friends and won't be attending a fat gypsy wedding anytime soon but I still saw the most frightening 5 minutes of television when accidentally stumbling upon that show this week.
My Holy Communion dress was much more conservative that the frock shocks these girls were wearing. It wasn't just the horrfic outfits that had me jaw dropped but the insane confidence of these children coupled with the most provocative dancing since Rihanna & Christina's X-rated X Factor appearances. These kids were gyrating and doing a squat thrust move that wouldn't have looked out of place on the Joys of Teen Sex quite frankly.

The 10 o' Clock show was better than the critics said in my opinion. I don't think it's the greatest idea for a news show and think it will struggle in longevity. My favourite bit was an interview with Bjorn Lomborg conducted by Jimmy Carr. He said "you put the mental in environmentalist" to which Bjorn replied that no he actually "put the sensible in environmentalist". In closing he addressed the audience with another over the head remark: "I'm sure we all agree we'd love to see Bjorn again. Ha!

Enjoyed The Social Network but (don't hate me) I really didn't like Black Swan at all. Saw another film I can't dicsuss but when I can, I will (along with the other one I mentioned a few weeks back). Other than that I have had a busy week writing more on my script and am fired up about book ideas that have been coming. Let's hope more people read it than this eh?

Finally some light relief... this is doing the rounds so you may already have seen it. Go to Google Maps and "get directions" from USA to China. Check out point 31. I'm thinking of doing it - beats taking a plane...

Over & under offers

2011-01-19T13:42:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a while but at least that means you're guaranteed more than yoga news. Might as well start with that though eh?
I have so far been 9 times out of 14. I have unleashed aforementioned manoeuvre. I have smiled at Adonis but haven't been going to many of the same classes so I arrive as he's leaving. There's another eye candy to replace him that almost made me topple over today when I should have been concentrating on my one tree balance.
I was telling my Dad about Bikram yoga and I don't think he quite understood the concept as he said in all seriousness "do you have a sauna afterwards?"
One Sunday I got there half an hour early and stupidly lay in the Savasana (corpse pose) for that time before class. Two hours in 100 degree heat, am I insane? I suffered that day; it was too hard.
I'm doing ok at it though and do miss it when I skip it. It's like most exercise I hate it while I'm there but feel great afterwards. I have been going to the gym as well. In fact yesterday I did an hour there and then straight to yoga afterwards. Before you think I must be shrinking away, I am not. That disappearing weight reappeared. I am not detoxing either but I still haven't smoked nor have I wanted to.
I ran for a bus the other day and wasn't the slightest bit out of breath. I cannot remember the last time I could do that.

Remember my wellbeing list? Clearly posture and meditation are in the yoga routine. The food diary isn't going well. Not well at all. I keep forgetting to fill it in. I am drinking water but not enough. The fruit & veg mission isn't going too badly. Same goes for the fresh air/daylight intake.
That leaves sleep - I am finally sleeping better and getting to bed earlier on some nights. It's the first time in 22 months. I still wake up after an hour and continue to do so but I feel it's a better quality of sleep. I tried an experiment one night that failed miserably. The iPhone* has an app for monitoring sleep. You set it and put it by your pillow and it tells you in the morning how you slept. It recorded my deep sleep and was supposed to work out the best time to wake me up. However, it said that I had slept for 9.22 hours and according to it, I hadn't been to the toilet 3 times because I was in such a deep sleep. I felt more groggy from that night than any other.

*I bought an iPhone to replace mine that as I write is sat next to me not wanting to switch off or perform any task. It has no network service for half the day and is slowly driving me mad. Maybe mine getting stolen was a sign. There's a bit more about the thief later on...

My friend Mark came to my aid to help me get my car back on the road to get it off my road. He came to look at it, wrote & placed an ad for it, found a battery for it and even fitted it. I cleaned it, valeted it (yes it needed both), put air in its tyres, photographed it and drove it. Ahhh I had forgotten how great it was to drive. I had also forgotten how angry other drivers make me. Saturday the car came in handy for flat viewing being a very blustery Saturday. The first one I saw made me reconsider getting rid of it as it was quite a trek up a hill to the property and nowhere near a tube or Overground station. I'm moving in next month! Oh my God I am in love with it. It is teeny but so amazing. It's on a private estate steeped in history and has the most astounding views of London. No more looking at To Let ads that should read Toilet. While I am talking about ads, good grief Gumtree is full of scammers who want around £600 before you view "their" flat via Western Union. Unbelievable. Surely people don't fall for that crap do they??

My ad faired better. The car sold to the first viewer after a bidding war ensued and I got £150 more than I asked for it. Result.
Blue Monday was one of the happiest days for me as I took the cash from the car sale to put down as deposit on my flat. It was only dampened by the news that when my phone was nicked in December the thief ran up bills to Romania of £90 in one day and I had to pay for them. I feel like ringing the number on my bill and telling them to tell their friend I said they're a robbing *******!

As part of the culture diary there was a visit to the cinema to see The King's Speech - excellent. A new pastime has been started also. I went to the taping of "That Sunday Night Show" (ITV - Frank Skinner saved it), "It's Your Round" (Radio 4) and tomorrow am off to "10 o' Clock Live" (Channel 4). It's a money saving way to spend an evening and it's incorporating comedy so getting a giggle too.

Nice link to my comedy. I had a meeting about my TV series and that went well - looks like we may be filming our own pilot and pitching it to companies as someone else was very interested in getting involved in my project. I haven't had time to write much but will when I move and get settled.
Nice link to writing. Sent my chapter notes to the publisher today for the novel so there's a lot to of work to do there as well. It's a good job I have the most magnificent flat to write in that even Dickens visited frequently.

No link there but thought I'd end with a recommendation. I went to a lovely vegetarian restaurant in Soho last week - Mildreds. There was a wait but it was worth it. I didn't notice the old pornographic photos on the wall until we were half way through eating. On closer inspection, some of them were too...

No mat today Saturday

2011-01-08T15:37:00.000-08:00

Last night I got drunk. It was quite by accident but as a result I decided that it would be a bad idea to attempt the yoga in heat (or is that on heat? see below) so will go tomorrow instead. I have practised a tricky manoeuvre in the privacy of my room and will unleash that now I feel confident I can actually do it. I had decided before the booze fuelled evening to scrap the 30 consecutive days idea by the way because I want to keep up my gym visits too and there's no way I can do both. Oooh but weirdly the excess weight that appeared over night - it disappeared over night! Yesterday there it was but today it vanished! Hurrah!
So, where was I? Sweating my ass off I believe... I went to Bikram Yoga again Thursday morning and there wasn't much room to place my mat. I found a little space and then guess what, Adonis in lycra pants arrived and put his mat next to mine. Luckily (?) a latecomer squeezed herself between the two of us and I was spared his buttocks in my face.

He's a gentleman; he held the door open for me as we left.
The next morning he again pitched up next to me close enough that no-one else could fit. I ended up moving mine forward a little before the Asana that would have me facing his behind.
We almost spoke as we sat side by side putting our shoes on but all I could think was how red, sweaty and hideous I looked. Maybe next time I will smile.

I embarked on the chore of flat viewing yesterday. Good god it should be a punishable crime to live in such grime. Some people have absolutely no shame. If I owned a property that wasn't being maintained I'd be furious. The first one was a lovely house on a lovely street but inside it was the pits. There was no sofa just foam blocks on a wooden slat. It was in an appalling state of filth and way overpriced. I told the agent to tell the landlord exactly that as I left.
The second was very quiet but not close to any local amenities - apart from bars. Lots of bars in fact. It backed on to Holloway Prison. That possibly makes it one of the safest neighbourhoods but it was awful. There were no redeeming factors and again over priced.
The 3rd I was quite excited about and still am because it's in the heart of Camden with one and a half bedrooms. It didn't disappoint. Well no that's a lie, it did disappoint HUGELY but the potential was there. The current tenants are obviously pigs and the sofa (at least there was one) needs to be set alight and thrown out. Size wise it was perfect but the bathroom left a lot to be desired. It turns out the agent has 2 more identical so am viewing those next week because if the bathrooms are better in either I think I may have found me a new gaff. The second bedroom that the agent told me not to get excited by, I got excited by. It's not a second bedroom (single sized) but *drum roll* an office. It would mean that my writing would have its own place to be created and that is invaluable so the astronomical cost would be worth it. Fingers crossed for that or at least my interlocked yoga fingers.

We're 8 days into the new year & it's been pretty productive so far. I know I need to save money for the flat but this weekend I managed to save £30 in Boots (on a 3 for 2 and £5 off combo) so with a Christmas gift voucher I got £75 worth of products for £44. I also saved £32 in the sale on fitness gear. Insert smug expression.
Having not smoked for a week I reckon that's a further £20 saved.
Slowly but surely I am working my way through a list of things to do that are essential and pretty big but I have been generously aided by friends. With their help I have either in part or in full solved deposit problem, computer issues, iPhone dilemma, flat decisions and car troubles. I am so grateful & thank them whole-heartedly.

When I move I will have to persuade those mates and more to visit me and stay in so that I am not giving extortionate amounts to the local pub as I did for the past 12 months. The fact that my rent will become the price of a holiday PER WEEK is insane enough but you can't put a price on the wanted & much needed solidarity of my own space.

2011 will have to be the year of budgeting, saving, cash back deals, Orange Wednesdays, 2 for 1, buy one get one free, kgb deals, groupon and Quidco. Hmmm, it's also the year of the rabbit. Given that's cockney rhyming slang for talk, I think I'll be ok...

Orange Wednesday

2011-01-05T14:54:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd mention that I survived day one of the Bikram Yoga. I had a banana for sustinence before I went and it kept me on an even keel. I didn't wobble too much or fall over nor did I faint. In fact I quite liked the heat. I have a feeling I won't be able to move in the morning.

The room stank - mixture of sweat and heat - disgusting. I am so glad I have my own mat given the amount of drops I could see falling from many yoga goers. People don't wear much in these classes. It's like being on the beach but without the sea, even the carpet was sand in colour. The woman to the front/left of me was so supple and bendy and I envy her ability and her svelte frame. I want her body. Er,. no actually what I obviously mean is I would like mine to look like hers.
FYI: The woman to my right had the most ample bosom and if I were many of my male friends I doubt I'd have been able to concentrate. They were quite distracting. I tried not to look but as I couldn't see myself in the mirror and the teacher told us to focus on something, it was hard not to focus on her heaving bust!
By the way, is it wrong that I gave a sharp intake of breath not from lack of oxygen but from the entrance of an Adonis in tight lyrca pants? Good god, I am glad he wasn't in front of me as I don't think I could have handled that view. I am quite sure that this is NOT the place to pull so I should get those thoughts out of my head right now. I wonder if he's there tomorrow...?

Recycled the Christmas tree - is it bad luck to do that before 12th Night? I took its baubles and lights off on Sunday...

I wanted to go to the cinema tonight but it seems Somewhere is nowhere to be found. It left my local cinemas last week and didn't fancy any of the other offerings. Speaking of orange (which I sort of was) I bought a pineapple today. A bit like the missing film, there were no oranges in the supermarket I went to. Just clementines, I actually wanted satsumas but I ended up with aforementioned pineapple, bananas, kiwi fruits & blueberries. Didn't stop me eating a bar (albeit small) of plain chocolate.
I wanted serotonin release to cheer myself up from the weight gain the scales told me about this morning.
Yes I know, weight talk is boring.
Last year I managed to put on half a stone on a 3 week trip to South America that I never shifted. In the last 3 weeks I gained a further 4 so I'm on a mission. Maybe I need to eat all the unhealthy things and drink all the booze in the flat as temptation versus willpower in January is very difficult.
I always have a theory and repeat it every year. Repeat in words that is, not in practice: "I will lose weight in the summer when it's all salads and fruit". Of course it's also the long evenings down the pub with wine, pimms and cocktails. Then comes winter where I tell myself "I shall lose the summer weight with my homemade soups and detox plan." The plan usually ends up being fuelling my cold body. If I get a cold I feed the cold (as oppose to starving the fever that sod's law doesn't allow me to catch).

I don't diet. I don't believe in diets so it will be a laborious task of calorie counting, watching fat content (in my food in case you started going off on some kind of weird tangent), less booze, eating celery and drinking nettle tea. Plus exercise of course. This may require me digging out photos of celebrities in bikinis that I can pin to the fridge. Failing that I could always just take a photo of that woman at Bikram yoga...

Delete this at your peril.

2011-01-04T14:36:00.000-08:00

It's freezing! I won't be freezing tomorrow when I start my first Bikram Yoga class in 100 degree (F) heat. I hope I don't faint.
I went to the gym today to flex myself a bit - also hope I don't ache for the first lesson. (Still no smoking and can't say I've missed one yet).This is what I need for class:
To wear: vest/cropped top and shorts or snug fitting yoga pants - check.
Yoga mat - check.
A bottle of water - well, I have a small empty bottle at the moment but think I may need to buy a bigger one en route - not check.
No need for footwear.

It says to take 2 bath towels, 1 for practising on and 1 for showering but I have my own mat and live 2 minutes away. I bet I take at least one anyway to show that I have read my instructions.

Culture 2011 is off to a fine start.
Yesterday I watched a great film that I suspect I cannot yet tell you about. When I can I will. It was amazing...

Last night I went to the Winter Wonderland and immediately regretted not using my preferred search engine to look it up as I would have taken my camera. We watched the Cirque d'Hiver which was quite dark. The most impressive parts were the trapeze type acrobat and the Wheel of Death.
For next year I can recommend the Jamie Oliver food area. I had the most delectable Salt Beef, mustard mayo and rocket bun and it came with a mulled wine. The plastic cutlery looked real. It even looked more authentic than his 30 minute recipes on closer inspection.

I decided to go back again tonight as it was the final night armed with my camera. Me, my friend and her Mum went on the Ghost Train and laughed at how bad it was. The "fun house" was more scary as we witnessed a poor girl stuck in between a maze of mirrors. She was visible to us and we could see her crying her eyes out the poor thing. Of course it was ever so slightly amusing but so traumatising for her.

If you do pay a visit this December be sure to take "real money" with you. Some stall vendors were none too impressed with coins and insisted on notes but were not prepared to lower their prices for the favour. Oh actually, I did get a pound off an item; I bartered while waving some "real money" his way.

Right, I'm off to bed because I am too cold to stay up and I want to read some more of my borrowed from Vicki book... Delete This At Your Peril - hilarious!

Hmmm do you think I should take some measurements before I embark on the 30 consecutive days of yoga?

Begin Being

2011-01-01T09:47:00.000-08:00

The first day of a shiny new year and I haven't moved from the flat. I decided the start of resolutions and such will begin on Tuesday. Well it is the weekend and we have a Bank Holiday.

2011. I was already thinking that at 11.11 (& 11 seconds) on 11/11/11 someone will send an email or facebook message and video themselves on YouTube showing the moment. I don't know what 'they' will predict for that "never before moment". Every moment is a never before moment, even deja vue.
Maybe I will set a goal and I achieve it by 11.11.11.11.11.11?

I mentioned heaven and eleven the other day and I actually think it could work. Stay with me here but I knew that I was going to make 2011 a year of my wellbeing. Lots of changes are needed to cleanse and re-energize my system. Given Heaven is a place of happiness and you can only get in if you're purged of (tox)sins, there's a tenuous link already forming.

So what have I decided to do? There's a long list written of good intentions. I shan't berate myself too much if I don't stick to everything but I need to change my lifestyle so shall start a regime of looking after myself mentally, physically and spiritually. The routine will be hard and challenging but I guess if it was easy I'd be doing it all already.

Here is said list:
Stop smoking (so far so good)
30 consecutive days of Bikram Yoga (yes, I know...)
Make the most out of my last 2 months of gym membership before I move (& therefore cancel membership)
Keep a food diary
Drink between 1-2 litres of water /day and keep skin hydrated
Reduce alcohol intake
Up the fuit & veg intake
Take a digestive enzyme
Meditate once/twice a week
Attempt to improve sleep and change patterns
Get out in the fresh air every day
Be more exposed to daylight - stop being a vampire!
Exfoliate once a week
Improve posture
Massage/treatment every 6 weeks
Hair cut every 3 months
Budget wisely and make sure that I am debt free by December 31st 2011.

Some of these I currently do but I am going to schedule time in my diary. I'll be keeping up the cultural visits of course and given that this year I have the mammoth task of completing my novel to a deadline (imposed by the publisher) and a tv script to work on, I guess the grey matter will keep active.

The biggest change will be to work a 4 day week so that I can make sure the book deadline is met.

There won't be the money for a holiday this year because of the move; living alone will prove costly but I am so looking forward to being in my own surroundings and having my own time and space.
Ah, time & space... there's that Heaven again.

Out with the old...

2010-12-31T09:48:00.000-08:00

In with the new...

So here it is, the end of 2010; a year I renamed "Starting Again" because it rhymes. 2011? Heaven? We shall see.

This time last year was quite a big deal for me. It was one of those few occasions where the end of the year was huge. Usually I say 'it's just one second of time sweeping into a new year with no significance other than that'. Last year however was very much a case of being so glad to see the back of my annus horribilis and although that sounds like a painful condition of the rectum, we all know thanks to the Queen's Speech from a few years back it isn't.
2009 was a shocker and I hugged in 2010 and hoped it would hug me back.
2010 was a year of men. I know how that sounds but it was. I didn't fall in love with any but I dated, I snogged, I gave my number out and embraced singledom for the first time. It was fun.

I had highs and lows but reconnected with old familiar feelings and did an awful lot of soul searching. I have ended the year in a much more positive place than 12 months ago. Don't get me wrong, last new year's eve was spent with friends and was unexpectedly great but there was sorrow and tears; it couldn't be avoided.

I am now looking forward to 2011 and all that it throws at me. Let's face it, life tends to throw stuff at us so it wouldn't feel right for me to ignore that 'stuff' but hopefully I'm ready for anything.

I'd like to ackowledge some of the curveballs my nearest & dearest had to contend with too and admire their courage and bravery in the face of diversity. Oops I mean adversity. In fact adversaries. Anniversaries. All of it!

I have used this quote already today but it's a fitting end to the blog I feel and I mean it to myself also:
"May you be happy in the life you have chosen"

Happy New Year to one and all. Given it's day 2 of blogging, I suspect it's just one...
x

Looking back before going forward...

2010-12-30T14:07:00.000-08:00

So, I moved back to London for the 4th time in my life back on November 28th 2009 with hope in my heart.
The previous times I'd lived here were mostly filled with work related fun and so I promised myself this time would be different. I was to become a tourist in my own town. I recruited my friend Stephen and we embarked almost immediately on a year of culture. The plan was to do something each week of cultural value. Neither of us deemed it impossible and yet I don't think we enviasged how amazing that trip would be.
Of course we didn't always accompany each other but still had our own journeys of discovery. Culture covers many entities: art, film, music, media, comedy etc. Given it was such a success, I decided to continue the cultural visits and to blog each one in 2011.
Here's a brief look at last year with some omissions I am sure (and Dec 2009) to ease me in...
The first exhibition - Thu 3rd December:
I am thankful that I went with a good friend to this as it was more than a little risque and I wasn't entirely sure we should continue!
Pop Life Exhibition @ Tate Modern. Giggling school trips amid tits, fannies, arses and penetration galore! Porn Life would have been more appropriate but it was pretty cool nonetheless.
Fri 4th
Soulwaxmas @ Brixton Academy
Mon 14th Comedy night at my local (The Stag) and all for charity.
Tue 15th
Lost Levels @ the Social
Sat 19th
Coldplay @ Exeter castle - charity gig for MENCAP - I actually ended up working this show rather than watching it.
Thu 7th January 2010
An Education
Wed 13th
cinema (?)
Thu 14th
Beatles to Bowie @ National Portrait
Thu 21st
Gallery ??
Mon 25th
Van Gogh
Tue 26th
The Little Dog That Laughed
Wed 3rd Feb
Counterfeit exhibition @ V&A
Mon 8th
Un Prophete
Thu 11th
Caveman - Mark Little
Mon 15th
The Heavy @ Barfly
Wed 17th
Billy Childish exhibition @ ICA

I was lucky enough to tour Latin America from 22nd Feb - Fri 12th March and so there was rather a lot of culture there!

Mon 15th March
Comedy night @ local
Wed 17th
Highgate Cemetary (well, one half)
Wed 24th
Josh Rouse @ Forum
Tue 30th
British Library (not for the first time)
Mon 19th April
Comedy night @ local
Wed 21st
Celebrity Juice tv filming
Thu 22nd
Blood Brothers feat. Melanie C
Wed 28th
Kick Ass
Tue 4th may
39 Steps @ Criterion
Tue 11th
Westminster Abbey
Wed 12th
Roadie book launch party

Took a holiday to The Gambia 14th may and can't say that was cultural at all.

Tue 25th May
Flight of the Conchords @ Wembley
Sat 12th June
Snow Patrol, Editors @ Bellahouston Park, Glasgow
Tue 15th
Keane @ Roundhouse
Wed 23rd
Black Keys @ Roundhouse
Fri 25th June
Pearl Jam @ Hyde Park
Sat 26th
Stevie Wonder @ Hyde Park
Sat 3rd July
Wireless festival @ Hyde Park
Sat 10th
Prince in Belgium
Wed 14th
Chief @ Barfly
Thu 15th
Latitude festival
Wed 21st
Inception
Tue 3rd August
Donegal Wake @ Irish Centre, Camden
Sun 8th
Welcome to Thebes @ National Theatre
Wed 11th
John Rylands Library (Manchester)
Mon 16th
Unrelated @ Jermyn Theatre
Mon 23rd
Danton's Death @ NT
Wed 25th
Gainsbourg
Fri 27th
Picasso - Mediterranean Years, Gargosian
Sat 28th
Scott Capurro @ Camden Head

(Wed 1st - Fri 3rd September, Brighton)

Sun 5th Sep
Secret Cinema (Alexandra Palace - Lawrence of Arabia)
Mon 13th
Comedy night @ local
Wed 15th
Secret Dining Club
Tue 21st
Mark Morriss @ The Enterprise
Fri 24th
Daniel Sloss @ Soho Theatre
Thu 30th
Xfm book launch @ Proud
Tue 5th October
Badly Drawn Boy @ Rough Trade

Thu 7th- Sun 10th Paris pour mon anniversaire

Wed 13th
Breakout @ Proud
Wed 20th
cinema (?)
Thu 21st
Art by Offenders @ Southbank Centre
Thu 28th
Badly Drawn Boy @ Bloomsbury Theatre
Tue 16th November
Secret Cinema - One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Thu 18th
Legally Blonde (& I admit, I loved it!)
Thu 25th
Christmas Lights video shoot and Thames boat ride
Fri 26th
BBC Philharmonic - Barbican
Sun 28th
Anish Kapoor exhibition @ Serpentine
Tue 30th
Ruffled @ Etcetera Theatre, Camden
Wed 1st December
Potter pt I
Mon 13th
Charity @ local
Tue 14th
British Museum
Sun 19th
Coldplay @ Royal Court Theatre, Liverpool
Tue 21st
The Woman in Black
Wed 22nd
The Museum of Everything, Primrose Hill
Mon 27th
Film music of John Williams @ Barbican

Phew! I know I have missed loads out and will fill in the gaps when I have time.
Looking forward to next year!